I know this sounds most bizarre but, nevertheless, it is absolutely true.
I am The Official Beast of Bodmin Moor.
I have a contract to that effect and have had this curious job title since late in 2002.
Now, of course, some of you reading this blog and especially those who do not live in the UK may not be familiar with the name 'The Beast of Bodmin Moor', so please let me explain.
Upon the moors of Bodmin Moor in Cornwall some people believe that there lives a panther or family of panthers.
It has been suggested that perhaps a big cat or cats escaped from somewhere or were set lose
by somebody and that it or they have settled upon the moors where they live on rabbits and sheep and have a certain privacy in an area of relative wilderness.
There are many local folk who swear blind that they have spotted the panther wandering around upon the lonely moorland roads or have caught sight of bright, green feline eyes and large, black silhouettes in the headlights of their cars whilst making late night journeys.
Others think that the stories are based purely on legend.
Whatever the truth, I decided a few years ago to apply for the job and sent a rather creative though formally written letter to some businessmen in Cornwall who have a marketing group called 'The Best Of Bodmin Moor'.
As, so I claimed, I had heard little in recent months if not years of The alleged Beast, could I please apply for the job.
Perhaps, I suggested, the original 'Beast' or 'Beasts' had moved away, been shot or simply died of old age.
I would be a fine replacement, I claimed, for, as a runner, I could leap and bound across the moorland fells with a certain energetic mobility and meet the expectations of the local community as well as visitors to the area by offering a glimpse of myself now and again racing across the lanes and jumping over the occasional fence and stone wall and maybe, just maybe, growling a little as I went.
The businessmen loved the idea and I was invited to Bodmin Moor itself to be duly inaugurated as 'The Beast Of Bodmin Moor'.
There was no question about it; I had to go.
In fact, I travelled down the very next week complete with a hired big cat costume and met these kind employers in none other than the bar of The Jamaica Inn.
There I was presented with a contract, a certificate and a plastic container of chocolate mice.
What more could an aspiring legend want ?
The local paper, The Cornish Guardian, sent a journalist and the local TV sent a cameraman and the fact that there does exist a real Beast Of Bodmin Moor is no longer a question of supposition.
I am he or it !
Sad to say, my local fancy dress hire shop didn't have a panther outfit and so I had to wear a tiger outfit instead.
Not the ideal outfit for an exact representation of the legend but close enough and rather fetching dont you think ?!
But there is more to this tale than immediately meets the eye so please do read on !
Let me tell you about some of the many other improbable jobs that I applied for, the impossible items I tried to acquire and the many implausible complaints I have made.
And then there is the book ..........' Letters From A Professional Nuisance'......by me, Michael A. Lee
[Tony is short for my middle name, Anthony].
Published in May of this year and containing over 300 pages of my letters and many amusing replies, it is destined, I feel, to become a worldwide best seller.
Oh - and it's available on AMAZON.CO.UK as I type.
Please do become a follower of my blog and please tell everyone else about it too !!
